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My Ex Wants This Weekend With Our Child, But It’s My Weekend! What do I do?

A carefully drafted separation agreement, Family Court Order, or parenting plan will anticipate most things that will come up in a child’s life. But, it is not possible to anticipate everything. Things always change for children and unanticipated things creep up. Judges understand that even when a judge has spent the time determining what custody order is in a child’s best interest. So, where parents can agree that a change to what is set out in a court order, either for once or permanently, is in a child’s best interest, then judges understand – unless a children’s aid society or the judge’s order says that no changes are allowed. In most cases, judges (and children’s aid societies) like it when parents can agree to changes to schedules, and other aspects of their children’s lives, in ways that benefit their children.


With judges preferring parents to be flexible to meet their children’s best interests, the purpose of Parenting Orders, parenting plans or separation agreements is to really set out what will happen when the parents, unfortunately, cannot agree. When parents cannot agree on whether something is in a child’s best interest, the “fallback” is what is in the Court Order, parenting plan or separation agreement. Put another way, if the parents do not agree to deviate from the parenting plan, one of them cannot do so without getting a judge to change the Court Order or agreement. 

When a parent asks a judge to change a Parenting Order or agreement, the judge will decide what to do based on what is in the child’s best interest. It is possible that the decision is not what one, or both, parents want. Also, a parent who unreasonably refuses to cooperate with the other parent, or denies to make changes without a good reason, may get in trouble with the judge. That parent may have to pay the other parent’s legal fees. Or, can lose custody of the child if the judge thinks the parent was trying to harm the child’s relationship with the other parent. It is always best to try to be reasonable and cooperate when it comes to parenting after separation – even when the other parent is being unreasonable. 

The process for going back to court can be quite complicated and involves several court appearances. Before going to court, it is important for a parent to gather evidence that what they want is in the child’s best interest. All that will not be worth it for one simple change. And, it is unlikely you will get the change made for an upcoming weekend. (Note, it is best to get travel consents arranged months in advance to avoid court delays.) Parents who find that they have a lot of difficulty cooperating with the other parent and the Court Order or Parenting Plan does not resolve the issues, may want to consider using a parenting coordinator. That professional can quickly either assist with or make, parenting decisions, such as whether a child should attend a special event on an upcoming weekend. It is important to keep a child insulated from, or losing out because of, fights between parents.

John Schuman Guide to the Basics of Ontario Family Law book cover

You can get a lot more information about Ontario Family Law issues, including a comprehensive explanation of parenting cases (parenting time and decision making), child support, spousal support, property division, and most other common family law issues by downloading this $9.99 Kindle eBook, Kobo eBook, or iBook for your iPad or iPhone or ordering it from Amazon as a paperback. But to understand how the law works precisely in your situation, it is always best to speak to a good Family Law Lawyer.

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