My Ex Is Exposing Our Child to Multiple New “Partners” – What Can I Do?

Relationships take many forms, some healthy and some not. Unfortunately, many parents enter into relationships that can have a damaging effect on their children without thinking twice about it. Fortunately, there are a number of steps that one can take when they feel that a parent’s behaviour is inappropriately affecting their child, both in family court and in child protection court.

While the common belief is that child support ends at 18, this is not always the case. As I explain in my article Child Support Does Not End at 18 and in the video below, the obligation of parents to support their children can continue past the age of majority in certain circumstances. In Canada, child support will continue past the age of 18 in two circumstances:

Family Court (Cases Between Separated Parents)

Depending on the age of the child, it may be possible to get an order through the family court varying your current custody and access arrangement to minimize the time that the child spends with a parent in the presence of that parent’s ‘new family.’ There are several factors that judges consider when deciding child custody and access cases. One of the factors that the judge must consider is the permanency and stability of the family unit in which the child will be spending time. If your ex has multiple partners coming and going and is adding siblings who may or may not stay around, this will seriously impact what type of time the judge allows your child to spend with your ex.

If you were divorced, the applicable statute is the Divorce Act; if you weren’t, it is the Children’s Law Reform Act. Under either of these statutes, a court may make an order specifying a custodial and access arrangement that is in the best interests of the child. You should listen to this podcast and watch the video below where I explain the various custodial and parenting arrangements available in Ontario and when judges will order each. 

If your child is demonstrating troubling behaviour after spending time with their other parent, a court may determine that any access that your ex is going to have must be supervised or that it not be around your ex’s ‘new family’. However, you will have to present demonstrable proof that the troubling behaviour is linked to ‘damaging’ experiences your child is having while visiting their other parent. This will most likely involve a letter or report from a qualified professional attesting to the impact of your ex’s behaviour on your child. In other cases, the Court may order the involvement of a parenting professional, who can assess you and your ex’s ability to parent, and make recommendations to the court as to what the access and custody arrangements should be. Watch this video to understand what is evidence in family court and how to present it to the judge:

Before heading off to court, it is important that you understand the court process and know what to expect and what you will have to do in court. You should listen to these podcasts (Part I, II, and III) where I explain how family court works and what to expect when going to family court. You can also watch the video below.

Child Protection Court (The Children’s Aid Society Is Involved)

If there is a risk that your child is being exposed to sexualized behaviour or is otherwise at risk of emotional harm while exposed to anyone, but especially a parent, there may be child protection concerns, which would involve the Children’s Aid Society. If this could be the case, you should speak to a good family law lawyer with experience in child protection matters, and soon. These cases can have unimaginable consequences for parents and families, and it is necessary to speak with a good lawyer early.

If your former spouse is exposing your child to inappropriate sexualized behaviour, and this is having an impact on your child, one option is to make a referral to the CAS. If the CAS gets a tip that a child is being exposed to a polygamist relationship and he is demonstrating ‘damaging’ behaviour, they will investigate. If the CAS finds anything to substantiate the complaint, they may apprehend your child and place the child in your care. Depending on the severity of the allegations and the proof, the CAS may decide that the offending, potentially harmful, parent can only see the child in a supervised, public setting.

While CAS tips can be a powerful tool in correcting inappropriate behaviour, there is significant potential for unintended consequences. Once CAS opens an investigation, they are not quick to close it. When a Children’s Aid Society becomes involved, it investigates the whole family. Investigations can often be widened to investigate both parents (often as a result of the ‘guilty’ parent’s bad-mounting). In almost every investigation, the child protection worker will interview your child to find out what is going on in both homes. The child protection worker will also want to interview you and it is important you prepare for that interview so that the children’s aid society does not become more concerned about you than your ex. If you and your ex do not get along, the children’s aid society will be concerned that you are exposing your child to a harmful level of conduct that requires the agency to intervene. The CAS must satisfy themselves that the child is not at risk of harm before they can withdraw from your family. In such cases, it is very important to speak with a family lawyer who can help you get the CAS on your side and keep it that way.

The most important thing to parents is the safety and well-being of their children. You need to do what is necessary to protect them, especially if your ex is exposing your child to a harmful environment. Contact Certified Specialist in Family Law, John Schuman, by emailing him, calling 416-446-5847, or using the contact form below. We answer all inquiries promptly and we can arrange for you to come in quickly for a consultation (charged at a reduced hourly rate).

To learn even more about child custody issues, children’s aid society cases and how family court works, as well as tips to keep out of trouble while giving your children the best protection possible, get a copy of this best-selling easy-to-understand book on the basics of Ontario Family Law as a paperback, or as a $9.99 e-book for Kindle, Kobo, or iPad/iPhone/Mac. You may also want to listen to this podcast. You can also use the search on the right to find lots more articles about child custody, support and divorce.

1. Where the application for retroactive support would have been brought within time but for blameworthy conduct on the part of the payor spouse;
2. In variation proceedings where there is an existing order and an established support obligation under the Divorce Act
3. In motion to change proceedings where there is an existing order and an established support obligation under the Family Law Act.

In the last two categories, there must have been a support order in place, but the amount was inadequate. Only the first criteria apply when there was never a support order in place.

These categories are not fixed or definite, and a court has significant discretion whether to allow an ‘out of time’ retroactive support claim or not. In light of your age, it is important to talk to a family law lawyer immediately to determine if a retroactive support claim can be made.

When a claim is made for retroactive support, there are four factors that the Supreme Court, in a case called DBS, said that judges must consider. These are: 

1. the reason for the recipient parent’s delay in claiming support;
2. the conduct of the payor spouse;
3. any hardship occasioned by a retroactive support order, and;
4. the past and present circumstances of the child.

If you are planning to make a claim for retroactive child support, it is very important that you speak with an experienced family law lawyer. Unlike present and future child support (which is mandatory), a judge has discretion whether or not to order retroactive child support. It will depend on how strong an argument you can make based on the DBS factors. This requires intimate knowledge of the law, as well as experience in litigating these claims. This page gives an overview of the law of retroactive child support.

If you are no longer entitled to receive ongoing child support, then courts will almost never order retroactive support. The only time that the court may consider ordering child support where the child is no longer a child entitled to child support is where there was some reason why it was impossible for the parent or child to seek support and they are continuing to suffer economic hardship as a result of the other parent’s failure to pay support or to knowingly pay inadequate support. Where the custodial parent made a conscious decision not to seek support when the child was entitled to support and that parent could have pursued support, the court will not order back child support. To have any chance of success with a claim for retroactive child support after child support is no longer payable, you need a really exceptional family law lawyer on your side. 

To advance your child support case, contact Certified Specialist in Family Law (and author of the book to the left), John Schuman, by emailing him, calling 416-446-5847, or using the contact form below. We answer all inquiries promptly and we can arrange for you to come in quickly for a consultation (charged at a reduced hourly rate).

To learn even more about child support, retroactive child support, and all the possible claims for support, as well as most other family law issues, get a copy of this best-selling easy-to-understand book on the basics of Ontario Family Law as a paperback, or as a $9.99 e-book for Kindle, Kobo, or iPad/iPhone/Mac. You may also want to listen to this podcast or watch this video. You can also use the search on the right to find lots more articles about marriage and divorce.

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