What can I do when my spouse relentlessly pesters me to get more time with the kids?

 Be warned! That pestering may not just be to irritate you. It may be a setup to get custody of the children! There are certain things you need to do!

In a divorce or separation, the best way to avoid conflict, unwanted communication, arguments and constant changes in the children’s schedule is to have a court order or agreement that sets out where the children are supposed to live at any given time. Then, unless there are problems with the arrangement such that it needs to be changed, your ex should have nothing to talk to you about. “Pestering” is not constructive communication and can lead to conflict. Anyone involved with family law issues will tell you that conflict is what harms the children – not the separation or divorce. For more on how parents should act after separation, listen to this Divorce Source Radio podcast.

If you do not have a parenting agreement or court order, you should visit a family lawyer or divorce lawyer and get one. That should eliminate the conflict and the possibility that this “pestering” is an attempt to set you up to look like a bad guy who will not cooperate with parenting or share the kids. Your ex may use that as a basis to go back to court to get an order that is more favourable to her current situation.

If your wife really is pestering you and it is having a negative impact on you and the kids, then it may be appropriate to get an order that restricts her contract with you and them or a restraining order. Judges can be really skeptical of people who ask for these orders and may think you are just trying to get some sort of tactical advantage. So, it is really important that you speak to a lawyer both to get an outside opinion of your circumstances and to make sure your evidence is compelling to a judge